::A Geek in Korea::

Way back nearly four years ago, I attended a wedding in Seoul. It was an old Korean Kindergarten teacher I used to work with that told lots of stories about her future mother-in-law. She had been dating her boyfriend for several years, but finally had to buy her  way into the family. Many Korean families exchange gifts before the wedding. I did it with my wife’s family. As long as everyone stays within their means, it is an exchange of gifts that roughly causes everyone to burn some money on stuff they wouldn’t ordinarily buy, but it’s a harmless ritual to build trust between two families. At least, it was in my case.

Our friend spend several thousand dollars on new things for her family to be before they would agree to the marriage. New furniture, new fur coats, new hanboks for the ceremony…etc. This was from a teacher with limited means. Our friend wasn’t rich, but they demanded more than a year’s salary to pay for pre-wedding gifts.

That’s not all. This was the first religious wedding I have ever attended, and the only one I’ve ever been to in an actual church. When people were on their phones at this wedding, they were actually asked to leave.. Her mother-in-law also demanded the new bride live with them for an entire year or more to “train” her daughter-in-law to take care of her son in a manner up to her demanding standard.

All this drama was agreed upon as unusual before they ever went through with the ceremony. When we finally left the wedding, we thought we’d hear amusing anecdotes about their married life for years to come as she struggled with her new family. Instead, we never heard a word from her. It’s like our friend dropped off the face of the Earth after she moved to Seoul to live with her new family.

Five years later, we have FINALLY gotten word back from our long lost friend. Indirectly, she’s contacted the outside world and we now know how her life with her husband and new family has been all this time. She called a friend of ours while her husband was away and spilled some of her gossip. We thought the bribery and scandal before the wedding was a lot, but even after they got married the mother-in-law wouldn’t let up.

For example, we’ve now heard that the mother-in-law stopped sleeping in the bedroom with her husband, and started sleeping out on the living room couch so she could hear what was going on in every room of the house. She then demanded that no one was allowed to get up to use the bathroom anymore in the middle of the night, because she didn’t want to be disturbed by any noise whatsoever, but refused to sleep in her bedroom. Our friend once bumped the makeup stand while walking around the bedroom one night. The mother-in-law then asked her the next morning, “What were you doing last night! Were you awake? Why did you bother me!”

You would think that a woman that couldn’t cut the cord for her son to sleep in peace with his own bride must have some serious issues. Perhaps she was intent on sabotaging the relationship, or wanted to get to get marriage annulled? Strangely, the mother-in-law wanted to have grandchildren. She told her daughter-in-law, “Why haven’t you given me a grandson yet? Let’s work together to get you pregnant!”

Eeeewwww!

After being berated one too many times, our friend finally convinced her husband to move out and get their own place. How did she do it? She had to provide proof of the conversations. She had to secretly tape her mother-in-law berating her before her husband would be moved to action. I don’t know if this was just because the mother-in-law denied everything, or that there was some sort of deception required to get something tape, but that was the final step to get them away from their overbearing family.

Eventually they did have a son, which must relieve our friend. Since she’s produced a son, she doesn’t need to bear any more children. The family name can be passed on.

I can’t wait to hear more stories about her time with this woman. There is finally a friend with a relative I know that is worse than one of my grating Aunts!