::A Geek in Korea::

I am not one for traditions, but I do require one thing for the holidays. I ask for a gift on Christmas. It can be something I ask for, or something I wanted but never thought about purchasing. It could be a surprise, but I want at least some sort of gift from my wife on Christmas. A few years ago we had worked out what we were getting beforehand to save money, and when it came to be Christmas morning and I had nothing new under the tree I got a little upset by it. Too much for someone my age to be upset about it at least. It’s really one of the few holiday traditions I’ve got, and it might make me a big softie, but I want to hold onto it.

This morning I didn’t expect any Christmas surprise. My wife and I had been spending time together pretty much all day every day for the past two weeks with our daughter. It’s hard to be surprised when you have no time apart from each other. I woke up this morning expecting to open some gifts from my parents and nothing else. My wife knew that I would be disappointed and told me that there was a gift under the bed waiting for me. A gift?! A hidden gift?! FOR ME?! That was the best news I’ve heard all vacation!

I got a Mr. Resetti plush doll from Animal Crossing. He is something I had wanted for Christmas when I saw him, then completely forgot about it. It’s a giant pissed off mole that looks like it is digging out from my desk. He berates you for not saving your game in Animal Crossing, and is well known for his foul temper and course manners. It’s perfect! I love it sitting on my desk, and I’m debating if I want to bring it to work or not. Just looking at his pissed off demeanor makes me want to get to work. Bundled with Mr. Resetti were several bottles of imported beer. Beer AND a thoughtful gift? Awesome.

After I opened my present, my wife held out her hands. “Where is my gift? You didn’t get me anything?”

Little did she know that her gift was literally months in the making. When my daughter was born I decided I’d stop shaving. Mostly it was because I was tired and felt like trying out some facial hair for some time. My goatee choice lasted for a while on a whim, also because I couldn’t be bothered to grow a whole beard. I kept it because it rankled everyone in Korea that I’d meet on a semi-regular basis. I’d get backhanded compliments all the time to the effect of, “You look so handsome…I bet that if you shave you’d look even better.”

Every time I heard something like this I would tack on another week to my facial hair experiment. I never had my hair remain unkempt, or get disgusting. The sheer fact that it existed irked a lot of people for some unknown reason. Everyone’s got to look the same. NO facial hair EVER! If one of the damn Korean pop stars could actually GROW facial hair, then my look would have been copied by everyone else.

My wife dropped any comment about it after a few months, but I’d still hear things from relatives or students now and again. I didn’t mind having the goatee, but it annoyed everyone around me to the point of commenting on it, hell yeah it was going to stay! It wasn’t my intention to garner attention, but if that’s how people treated me, I was going to keep it around. Even when I got a portable shaver for a Secret Santa gift I hung on to the beard. I resolved that I’d get rid of it for my wife on Christmas, backhanded comments or not. I had enough resentment fuel to keep it growing for a while longer with all the comments I got from relatives about a family portrait we had taken, but my point had been made, and in the spirit of the season, I decided I’d just shave it off and start over some other time.

Today I got up early, pretended to take a shower, and worked on trimming down my facial hair for a nice close shave. When I finally got out of the shower I kept the towel over my head for a minute to pretend I was drying my hair, then made sure my wife could see while I poked my head out of the bathroom to say, “Merry Christmas!”

She loved my gift. She called several people to say I gave her the best Christmas present she could have asked for this year. Hah! I miss my goatee now. Stroking my chin lacks the effect it once had. It’s all about the gravitas and age it represents! It’s gone! Now my face is cold, too. I think I’ll pick another arbitrary date next year to start the project again. Possibly Movember? I don’t know if I can pull off an obnoxious mustache as long as I could my goatee, but if I just went feral and grew and entire beard my wife might go nuts. Anyway, we capped off Christmas presents with a call home with Skype and got to talk to my parents.

Yay! Good Christmas.