::A Geek in Korea::

Did you know, the number one way to lose the concentration of a classroom of children would be do exhibit any bodily function best reserved for a bathroom? For example, anyone with gas should never, ever be a teacher. Letting one loose in the classroom would cause such a problem you might as well forget ever trying to ever be in the same room with the children again. Children never forget something like that, even when they soil the air with their foul stenches daily.

This is just a theory, as I can’t say that I stand in front of class and “banggu!” as the students might say. That isn’t to say that I haven’t taught while in the middle of a stomach problem from time to time, (See the entire year from 2003 to 2004, for example) but you’ve got avoid putting yourself in that situation. Make time for a stop to the bathroom between classes. Get it done somehow. Be stealthy. Worse comes to worse, step outside. Or blame it on a child you don’t like.

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You never realized it before, but those teachers that would duck into the hallway from time to time to “talk to the principal” were TOTALLY outside farting up a storm.

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Today, however, had me in a social situation where I had to visit someone’s home. Same rules apply in a guest’s house as in a classroom. As long as someone is in the room with you, you can’t go sneaking one off. It’s just impolite and gross. Unless you are elderly, then you are free to let them fly.

I am not an elderly Korean man, thus, for the entire social engagement I was wiggling, moving my stomach, and generally avoiding any moves that would have sent my cheeks flying. My wife has named me “The Farting General” for a reason. While I might be more liberated at home, I’m not one to subject strangers to such bodily functions. I had to sit, knowing full well any mistake would have led to total embarrassment.

(And yet, I WILL write about this on a website. Go figure.)

Anyway, when my visit was over, and the door slammed shut behind me, I let something epic escape. The stairwell echoed. Warning sirens should have gone off. Evacuations should have commenced for a biological attack. It’s something so loud and so sudden it was startling.

I’m just lucky the people in the apartment didn’t open to door to check to see if a bomb went off in the hallway.