::A Geek in Korea::

I’ve mentioned how cheesy Korean wedding hall ceremonies are from time to time. I didn’t have the videos for proof before. But whorish dancers doing silly routines? This is taking tacky to a whole new level.If there wasn’t food involved, no one but the family would even attend a Korean wedding. I’ve been to nearly half a dozen weddings since I got married in Korea. The only reason I’ve attended is because one of the people had attended MY wedding. I didn’t meet the couple before I was married, and now that my debt had been repaid by attending their wedding, I would never meet them again. At least I got to go to a buffet.

Wedding hall ceremonies have no legal standing. They are “just for show.” You legally get married by signing a paper at city hall. The entire ceremony is just a pyramid scheme. People don’t go to Korean weddings for the same reason foreigners do. 70% or more of the people in attendance are there to repay money to the bride and groom’s family. They had invited them to their wedding and got money, now they repay it. It’s like “A dish to pass” taken to the next level.

The fact that so many people were in the seats must mean it was a better wedding than 90% of the ceremonies I’ve attended. People tend to show up long enough to say, “Look, I’m here with the cash, let’s go to the buffet” once the couple walks down the aisle. (We’ve been guilty of this when we were only vaguely connected to the newlyweds in question too.)

If you are going to have a wedding at a Korean wedding hall, go all out. Anyone attending a wedding hall ceremony doesn’t expect anything less. Get the cheesy music, go for the ridiculous costumes for the altar helpers. My friends had ladies dressed like a band leader that had trumpets shooting confetti. I encourage this. Do the whole thing and don’t back down because it’s ridiculous. Bubble machines and a laser shows are pretty much standard, so be sure to ask if there is anything else that particular wedding hall can bring to the ceremony to make it more memorable. There was a dry ice machine installed next to the neon pink and green altar at my own ceremony. I could have gotten married by a robot if I had planned far enough ahead.

The entire situation of getting married in a wedding hall is already extremely humorous. There is no avoiding looking like an idiot when you walk up the aisle. It’s part of the deal. The only way to survive it is by acknowledging the absurdity of the situation and having fun.

My wedding was special because it was so tacky. A non-religious wedding is just a tradition that means whatever you want to mean. There aren’t any “rules” about what you can and can’t do. As long as people attend, it’s served it’s purpose in Korean society. It doesn’t say anything about a relationship itself. Spending more money doesn’t make a wedding “better” in any way. As long as the couple liked it, and their guests had a good time, who cares what the ceremony features?

My parents had a hilarious story to tell, and it was done in under an hour, pictures included. If you’d ever attend one of my extended family’s weddings you’d know how much of an improvement that is over our standard wedding experience. Do you know how liberating it is to never have to see the majority of people that attend your wedding ever again?

This video appears to be after the ceremony is finished, but before people walk back down the aisle. Koreans are so prudish about kissing in public that there is no “You may now kiss the bride” section of a ceremony. Seriously. No public displays of affection with the person you just promised to spend your life with! This is a wedding, keep it classy and family friendly!

In most of the weddings I’ve stuck around for the emcee issues a “challenge” to the groom before he will announce them as a couple. I’ve seen people forced to squat thrust their wives, and a good friend of mine getting married had to do twenty push ups. The humiliation and humor is part of the ceremony. A good portion of the guests show up specifically because their is a bottomless bottle of alcohol in the buffet, and it’s totally okay to drop in to the ceremony in progress after you’ve tossed a few back.

If I must comment on the video in question, I don’t really like the fact that the dancers sort of take the focus of the wedding away from the couple. It should be the newlyweds moment to look like complete fools in front of everyone they know. Having dancers just distracts everyone from the utter ridiculousness of the entire situation too much.

Still, since Korean wedding hall ceremonies have no legal standing, if you weren’t happy your first time, you can go through the humiliation again. Just don’t expect anyone else to show up unless the buffet was good.