What exactly am I supposed to do?
Teaching January 15th. 2008, 6:46pmWith the mashing up of different classes, I’ve got students that I haven’t taught for a while. One of them is a bright, cute boy that is in my lowest level class. He’s been at the school for as long as I have, and tries hard to study as well as he can. The only thing “off” about him is a crippling fear of tests of any kind.
Every day since I’ve started teaching him, the first question he’s asked me when we meet is if we will have a test in class. I tend to test two times a week if possible in his class. This means he’s got pretty good odds of seeing a test. His reaction has always been to fall straight down on the ground and possibly start crying too. He once did this for 20 minutes in the teacher’s office in the fetal position under a desk.
Everyone else in the class sort of shrugs and says to cheer up. He will run off, lie on the ground, and sulk until class starts. This is weird behavior, because Koreans treat a floor of a school like it contains a coating of Ebola virus. Seeing a student lying on a floor weeping is not common at all. Other than this weird panic attack brought on by tests, the boy is pretty normal. He’s smart, does homework, and has friends. He’s a good reader, and wants to learn English. He just really hates tests. His homework scores and anything else is fine for a boy his age.
Today on his test, he had another serious fit. First, he crumpled up the paper and started crying when he started writing. I kept telling him it was a “True/False” style test, so he should do very well. Then when I graded the paper, he made some mistakes and got an average score. This sent him into tears, then he ran out of the room. I found out later he had ran to the bathroom and had vomited into the toilet repeatedly. When he returned to class, he was still crying hysterically.
My near daily tests are NOT A BIG DEAL. It’s simply a mandatory thing instituted by my director to provide parents feedback as to the effort their children put into their studies. I write down a score, and they are forgotten about until the report cards are issued for another term.
Forgotten by everyone except this student’s mother. When the boy ran out to vomit in the bathroom, I looked around the class to try to get a clue why tests sends this student into a full blown panic attack. His friend told me in low voice why the boy is so upset by tests.
His mother beats him for every incorrect answer he brings home on a test.
In hindsight, that was a spectacularly obvious answer to all the questions I had about this particular student. His obsession with tests. His crippling fear. His obsession with correcting tests perfectly. I didn’t know why I hadn’t thought of it before. Perhaps I was too innocent to believe a parent could do something so cruel to a child so young.
What can you do when you find out information like that? The student in question doesn’t know that I know about what’s going on. It seems everyone else in the class knew long before I did and they must have thought I was a moron for not figuring it out on my own.
I went to speak to the director after my class was finished. My coworker also confirmed the boy’s behavior in class with tests with the director. He told me that after one of his tests, while he was waiting for the bus, he was so upset that he vomited on the street. Our director was shocked that I found out this information, but doesn’t seem to be willing to do anything about it. I think she was shocked to know it was happening, more that I had figured it out. She deals with mothers all the time. She probably knows this is happening, and probably at more than one house.
In her position, there is almost nothing she can do. Calling someone and accusing them of abuse is a serious allegation. Simply suggesting someone did a crime, proven or not, is defamation. Korea has INSANE laws that no other country in the world has to prevent attacks on people’s character. I can’t use real names for fear I’d get sued for this post. Even physical evidence wouldn’t be enough to prove something like this in Korea. There are no “Child Service” workers to deal with something like this.
I don’t have physical proof anyway. Other than the panic attacks, vomiting, cowering, and mental breakdowns of a student 9 years old I’ve witnessed for the past few weeks, there could be nothing wrong. For all other intents and purposes, the student is well adjusted. I don’t know what kind of abuse he is going through. He wears a coat because our classrooms are freezing. If there is a physical mark on his body, no one would ever see it.
My coworker and I were at a loss as to a course of action. Do we change the class to stop giving as many tests? Do we alter the student’s tests so that he always gets perfect scores? How would the other students and parents react? Can we do anything to help the student avoid having to bring home tests? Should we tell the Korean teachers to alter their classes? What do they talk about when they phone this mother about class? Did they know about the behavior? When did this start? How will it affect the student in the long run? How do we go on teaching this student knowing that something we do can cause physical harm for him at home?
The abuse alone is horrifying. But taking to it’s logical conclusion, devoid of the intense pain it’s causing this wonderful boy, it’s just stupid too. If the mother in question is trying to INCREASE a student’s desire to study and do well, and lets assume that’s the “rational explanation” for this crime, giving a child a literal panic attack at the word “TEST” is the stupidest thing ever. This boy will have profound psychological damage from this abuse, and it will never help him in the long run.
If he freaks out when he hears about a five minute test that literally means nothing in the long run, what kind of damage is this student going to do to himself when he has to take a test to get into a competitive high school? College? Will he even be able to live under the stress that affects even well adjusted students leading up to that test? I don’t think so. Why would a parent do something like this?
It makes me sick. The words of a foreign teacher in this situation means NOTHING. I’m powerless to prevent this from happening, but I have to keep doing my job knowing. The “Korean” solution to the problem would be to provide the boy with a second test to write corrected answers on so that he could bring home a perfect test to spare him some punishment. I don’t know what other rubric the parent uses to judge the student, so even that might not be good enough.
This is one of those times when those “commonly known” but “never discussed” sorts of problems Korea has in it’s culture infuriates me. Everyone will go on trying to act like nothing is happening to keep the parents from getting upset. The school gets the money. The parents get to think they are raising a smart son, and everyone ignores that a child is being hurt. This situation is wrong. It happens everywhere, but that doesn’t make it right.
13 Responses to “What exactly am I supposed to do?”
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January 15th, 2008 at 8:07 pm
We had a terrible situation in our hagwon which involved a parent nearly coming to blows with me. I would have defended myself, but I was told that had I done so, I would have gone to jail over a Korean citizen. Even with the altercation on video (which are classrooms are), the word of a foreigner is meaningless even when they are in the right.
I was told that if it happens again, to let the parent beat me up and sue them later. The situation is terrible, and I cannot explain it here, but not having the same rights as a citizen blows. This is why I won’t be extending my contract past my second year. I was also told not to do anything when I see evidence of child abuse. Back in the states, I quit teaching over a case of abuse. The school would not back me, but the two children were (and still are) grateful for my help.
January 15th, 2008 at 10:56 pm
Never, ever get in a physical fight with a Korean. Ever. Seriously. Ever. You will ALWAYS be found at fault. Always. Every time. No exceptions. Don’t forget it. Accept it as a term of your employment, stay, visa, whatever. Yes, it’s not fair. You are a non-voting minority with NO say in how anything works. Accept it and move on, because you are pretty much at the mercy of the Korean court system while you are here. Even Koreans get fucked over by it regularly.
However, I’ve never BEEN in a situation where I’d have a Korean assault me at all, let alone a parent at school. Seldom are people willing to attack when they know they are on camera. Even in the worst “He said/she said” argument, I can’t even IMAGINE what would have happened at a school to have it happen.
There are PLENTY of fucked up things that happen in Korea. If you want to bring the “It’s because I’m a FOREIGNER” excuse into it every time, it’s very likely you won’t last here. It’s also probably not true in every case.
January 15th, 2008 at 11:06 pm
The key question here is do Koreans think that this is acceptable behaviour from the parent. If a straw poll of Korean parents would show that they find this acceptable, then you don’t do anything and accept it as a cultural difference such as eating dog meat. On the other hand, if your straw poll of Koreans shows that they agree that this is child abuse, then I think morally, you are obligated to do something, though what I am not sure.
January 16th, 2008 at 12:13 am
That’s the classic “what would you do” scenario given during teacher training. The answer, in theory, is that you are always a mandatory reporter of child abuse. As soon as you know of abuse you must consult with the principal and then call child services. Even if the principal tells you otherwise or seems disinterested, you must call child services.
Of course, in practice, this might not prevent you from being sued and/or losing your job, as John from Daejeon has unfortunately experienced. Not that it’s any consolation, but even though I don’t know you, I commend you for doing the right thing and acting in the best interest of your students even at great personal risk and loss.
January 16th, 2008 at 8:26 am
I’d been here over 15 months with nothing but good experiences and things to say about South Korea, until this unfortunate situation happened at my school. My boss was being badly assaulted by a student’s family members, and the franchise officials refused to call the police. They would not even witness the altercation and instead cowered in a back room without even protecting the children.
My involvement happened when I stepped in between an irate adult male who was screaming and cussing at a child after tossing furniture and other items around the classrooms. I did not know about my lack of status and rights here had I been involved in the fight until later that evening when I was advised by many (including a lawyer) to leave before things get worse. This I could not do. My boss and his family are some of my best friends now, and my leaving was what this family wanted. To see the school suffer and close. Just the other day, one of these family members physically (bodily) ran into me as hard as they could to try and get a rise out of me. I grabbed the students I had been talking to in the street and ushered them quickly upstairs into our office and away from the situation.
Before this happened, I was planning to stick around for at least three years, but now I will try and finish out my second year and leave now knowing just how close I came to ending up in jail through no fault of my own.
If I had known about the judicial process in this country beforehand, I probably would not have come here. Finding out about it in this fashion has really made me sick, as has the ongoing situation involving this family. At least now, things have calmed down inside the school as the family knows that they will be sued (the great deterrent) if they return, but this doesn’t keep them from still harassing the kids and teachers in the street in front of the school.
January 16th, 2008 at 8:55 am
Yikes. That’s CRAZY. I’ve never had any sort of experience like that with parents. That’s NUTS.
January 16th, 2008 at 1:06 pm
[...] who sounds pretty normal except his abnormal fear of tests. He is so scared of tests that he curls up in fetal positions and cries before them. If he doesn’t make a perfect score he runs out of the classroom and [...]
January 16th, 2008 at 1:06 pm
[...] who sounds pretty normal except his abnormal fear of tests. He is so scared of tests that he curls up in fetal positions and cries before them. If he doesn’t make a perfect score he runs out of the classroom and [...]
January 17th, 2008 at 7:50 pm
What do you do about bullies over here? We have a couple of really bad problem kids, but the Korean teachers refuse to talk to the parents because it might cause the parents to lose “face.” I don’t know how parents might ever find out that their kid is a bully, or others that have kids that may suffer from an easily remedied learning disorder, if teachers can’t talk to parents other than to give glowing report cards even when the child can’t count, read, or write.
It was rough for me dealing with these subjects back home in the states, but here I feel awful that my hands are tied and not being able to do anything about these situations.
January 17th, 2008 at 8:08 pm
Korean teachers in our school call all the students. We have a discipline system based on rewards we give for achievements in class. The kids use those points to purchase things online that are then delivered to the school. No homework? Didn’t study? No rewards.
This works well up until middle school. By this point students know their lives are hell, and want to do nothing but sleep in class. As long as you don’t give them a hard time, they don’t give you a hard time.
January 17th, 2008 at 9:26 pm
Yeah, our teachers call as well, but they don’t discuss real problems that the students may have with the parents. No one wants to hear that their kids are bullies or may have a learning disorder, but how will these kids adapt to life in the working world and outside the nest if these problems aren’t addressed as soon as possible? Later on, it will just be a game of blaming the teachers, bosses, and society for the ills suffered by their children as they struggle in life.
I have few problems in the classroom thanks to our reward system (when did learning start needing to be induced with carrots?), but the bullies still shakedown the younger kids for money, snacks, and toys leaving them shaken and in tears quite often. They are smart enough not to do most of it in the classrooms, or in front of the owners, so it happens in the stairwells, restrooms, and elevator.
A lot of these problems are caught on our classroom video cameras, but I think fear of lawsuits prevents a lot of good that could also be accomplished with the video footage. Like I said earlier, we had a family do some serious damage at the school and terrorize the kids and teachers, and the footage is being used as collateral to keep them away. I guess if it came out in a lawsuit, it could also damage the school’s “face” or reputation.
March 13th, 2008 at 11:16 pm
[...] girls hands shot up, and the boy who vomits in his mouth about getting test questions wrong also volunteered. While I was confident that even Test Anxiety Boy could get all these questions correct 100%, I [...]
May 23rd, 2008 at 9:06 pm
[...] I’ll never forget seeing a student racked with test anxiety, fearful he would get hit by his mother for getting a test… Do I want all of my students to turn into neurotic headcases? Hell no. Do I want them to study? Of [...]