::A Geek in Korea::

One of the constant mind games I play with my students is how I grant them permission to go to the restroom. Students usually ask to be excused by saying, "Teacher, Me Bathroom!"

Whenever they do this, I say, "Oh, hello Bathroom. Is that your new ‘English’ name? Say hello to ‘Bathroom’ everyone!" The students get very embarrassed and figure out the problem. If not, I just call them "Bathroom" for the rest of the day in class. They don’t ask as much anymore, and they ask their friends the proper grammar before asking me the next time. Educational shaming. It’s all in good fun, and the students don’t take it too seriously.

Today, one of the girls in class asked me about going to the restroom. I got to jokingly call her ‘Bathroom’ for a few minutes until she got her expression correct, then I let her out of class. She returned from the bathroom with a paper cup of water. This also gets on my nerves. Lots of students also get called "Water" in class because they want a drink at the water fountain but don’t know the proper words to ask permission. Bringing back a water cup to class means that everyone is going to start asking me if they can go have a drink.

I asked the girl, "Did you go to the bathroom, or to the water machine."

She said, "I went to the bathroom."

I followed up by asking, "Then, is that toilet water you are drinking? I didn’t give you permission to drink water from the fountain. Why are you drinking toilet water?"

The girl got very embarrassed again and denied she did anything wrong. It was a joke, so I let her know that next time she would have to ask permission for both and not bring the cup back into class. She agreed and I went back to calling her by her "English" name. No harm, no foul.

McKittrick: See that sign up here - up here. "Defcon." That indicates our current defense condition. It should read "Defcon 5," which means peace. It’s still on 4 because of that little stunt you pulled. Actually, if we hadn’t caught it in time, it might have gone to Defcon 1. You know what that means, David?

I grew up a Cold War baby in the shadow of Fernald, Ohio, producer of uranium for the United States government and polluter of our local water table. The aura of nuclear annihilation was something I recognized and reconciled in my very early childhood. Watching a movie like WarGames or Doctor Strangelove, I always thought that one of the strikes on the "big board" was going to be no more than a half a mile from my home. Regardless, I always wondered why no one ever made a "Global Thermonuclear War" game.

Enter the game DEFCON, which is one of the most dehumanizing games I have ever played. In the game, represented by a  "big board" your goal is to inflict maximum damage to your enemies while minimizing your own casualties. You are given units to place strategically during the DEFCON 5 phase. As the DEFCON warning counts down, these units are allowed more provocative actions. By DEFCON 1, you’ll be fending off nuclear strikes, launching retaliatory strikes, back stabbing former allies, and generally watching the world glow green as the casualties mount. Cold. Heartless. Surprisingly fun.

Games played at work can be set on an eight hour time scale, meaning you could be playing the same long game all day. Betrayal, politics and alliances at work! Slaughter your coworker’s countries! One of the best additions is the "Boss Mode", where a quick tap of the "Esc" key twice will hide the game in the task bar. The bar will flash when hidden after a hostile action is taken, meaning you could play all day and never let anyone in on the fact that you are plotting the world’s demise. Awesome.

My first game, I was Europe versus the United States. My tight coastline and heavy backup radar penetration meant that surprise attacks were going to be difficult. I launched my naval assault, determined to wipe out the East Coast. After I sank several US ships, I eventually got some targets in sight. I launched my strikes as soon as possible, hoping to wipe out all the launch sites before I got struck in return. I failed to calculate in air defense, so most of my launches were shot down. I did manage to rack up a few cities, but sadly the retaliatory strikes got past my radar when my air base in Spain was nuked from a hidden submarine from the coast of Africa. I only lost by a few million casualties.

The image of the slowly arcing ICBM coming in to pound Amsterdam or New York is something from a movie. As the casualties rack up and the leaders board changes,  the game makes you discover something about yourself.  Yes, war is terrible, and nuclear holocaust is most foul, but if everyone is going out, it’s best to go out on top saying, "You’ll never enjoy your victory."

Next time, global domination will be mine.