My wife and I made plans yesterday to visit her father. He’s currently home alone, as my mother in law is in the Middle East for vacation. There are carefully established rules and customs guarding what happens when you visit your family’s house. Luckily for me, as a man married into a Korean family, the extent of my obligations when visiting involve "watching television" and "consumption of food and or alcohol". While I might get to sit around when we visit relatives, my wife has to work, even as a guest in her parent’s home.
This was an semi-unannounced visit. He had called us and invited me to climb another mountain, but we had declined. Implicit somewhere in this invitation was, "Hey, I’m bored, come over and visit." We stopped by a supermarket to pick up something to drink for her father before we arrived in the morning. We got some juice and milk, but typically you would bring alcohol when visiting, depending on the time of day and the person. We arrived shortly after noon to catch our father in law relaxing and watching television.
I was told to plop down and watch television with dad. My wife got to the casual conversation, and started washing the dishes. Her father told her he would do the dishes, but made no effort to stop her. I suggested she sit down and join us, but she said she had an obligation to do housework now that she was in her parent’s home. Her mother said when she was little to always help around relatives’ houses.
She went around doing the various chores her mother would have done if she was around. She folded laundry, cleaned a table, and cleaned up her messy brother’s room. All while her father and I sat around. I wasn’t allowed to help, and I also wasn’t allowed to tell her to stop. It was rather awkward.
Eventually her father told us he wanted to take a nap. We took this as a sign, so after she finished removing lint from a sweater, we got ready to go. Before we left, my wife left an envelop with some pocket money for her father. It’s customary for sons and daughters to give parents money to help them pay bills and to ease the cost of living. The most likely reason her father was sitting around the house was that he didn’t have the cash to go out and do something.
We gave him some money, and the only thing we took were two apples. We didn’t have any, and fruit prices are rising due to Lunar New Year being next weekend. Even with swiping some fruit while he was sleeping, that’s still a good deal for him. He got money, juice, and a cleaner house, and all we got were two apples. I’ll never be comfortable sitting around watching my wife work while she is a guest.
