::A Geek in Korea::

In an effort to never remove my Cowon D2 from my ear as I trek back and forth to various locations around the city all day while on my summer intensive schedule, I’ve took it upon myself to find more podcasts relevant to my interest.

I’ve even gotten into a groove, where I know which podcasts are due for an update, and I get all excited for “Wait, Wait Don’t Tell Me” Mondays. Wednesday is “The Naked Scientist Day“, etc. My site isn’t called a “Geek in Korea” for nothing. Yes, I listen to geeky podcasts. That’s just how I roll.

My two newest discoveries are related to some of the podcasts I used to listen to. It turns out that Mur Lafferty, who wrote and performed the series “Heaven” over at Podiobooks, also hosted a horror short story podcast called “Pseudopod“. There is also a Science Fiction short story podcast called “Escape Pod“.

These two podcasts are really well done. Professional writers submit stories to these two podcasts. They are performed professionally, but available for free. People donate money to the podcasts, or buy archival CDs to get old podcasts. That money then goes to paying the artists that submit their work. It’s street performer style creation. Drop a buck in a tip jar if you like what you hear. I really like this model of supporting artists.

But that’s not all! Mur Lafferty also does the podcast, “I Should be Writing“, which I listened to long before I knew anything about the Heaven series and became a fan of her writing. Seems I’ve been sucked into a web of all things Mur Lafferty and I didn’t even know it. She was doing another podcast called “Geek Fu Action Grip” which is on hiatus, or possibly dead. If it was still going, I’d probably be listening to that too by now.

I’m still rocking the occasional podiobook too. “How to Succeed in Evil” is recommended listening. At least my commutes to work haven’t been boring.

Want to know what the easiest job in the world is? A Korean product designer. How do I know this? All they have to do is take an existing product and add “녹차” (nok-cha), or in English, “Green Tea”.

“Hey, we need a new design by next week. What are we going to do?”

“Do we have something with Green tea in it yet?”

“But, we sell… diapers.”

“Add green tea. It’ll sell like hotcakes.”

There is green tea flavored everything. Ice cream, hot tea, cold tea, candies, snacks, chips, you name it. Green tea is like blue raspberry. It goes where it doesn’t belong leaving unnatural food coloring in it’s wake.

At least Korea is adding healthy things to food, no matter how nonsensical neon green ice cream may be to me. There has been an absolute war on “Trans Fats” in this country, with every single product claiming to be free of that particular slow poison. If people are eating strange foods, at least it’s better for their health.

This was inspired by the article: Things to do before you die, Geek Edition. It turns out I’m well on my way to completing this list.

1. Visit Akihabara

I went to Tokyo for this exact reason. It’s extremely geeky. Actually, most of the people are bordering “Nerd/Otaku/Complete Social Outcast”. This place exists as the nexus to 1000 different geek subcultures that could only survive in this weird environment. Once you walk into a huge, multi-level comic shop and see an “Adults Only” section filled with the strangest fetish items ever, you’ll weep. It’s something to experience once.

2. Attend A Meet* (To Do)

I haven’t exactly done this. When I was big into the online Mst3k community, I never went to a convention or anything. I’ve been to comic conventions, but I didn’t know anyone there before I went, so it doesn’t count.

3. Meet An Online Friend and “Hit” it Off

Done this. Less said about the experience, the better.

4. Earn the Title of 1337 In An Online Game

I’ve played games to a high level before. I rarely stick around to be a “elite” player because something shiny distracts me and I move on to something else. My high level Lich in Nexus War was pretty 1337 though. I could farm an entire hospital for corpses without lifting a finger with my army of zombie slaves. That was pretty cool, but not really worth the effort and time to get there.

5. Design, Implement, or Suggest an Idea That Someone Else Uses.

I’ve done design, and implementation of databases. I’ve done elaborate data modeling both in college, as well as for theory in a few jobs. I’ve designed a database for a college radio station, but it didn’t go into production and regular use. (My group sucked.) If I ever get around to learning how to actually code well, I’d be able to do this more easily.

6. Be First In Line For A Product Launch

Nintendo DS. Launch. I was staking out various vendors all over the city to find one. There was no line to speak of because no one else knew what it was. I’ve waited to be on a roller coaster on the first day it was available to the public. I’ve caught midnight screenings of movies that were opening first in Korea.

I’ve never done this for profit, and usually people who insist on this get nothing but lame, “FIRST!” bragging rights. I’m more likely to sneer at someone that camps out to attach importance to an item than I am likely to do it myself. (Seriously, people were camping out for The Phantom Menace. That HAD to hurt.)

Results:

With this post, I’ve firmly established my geek credentials. Nevermind I’ve written on a website called “A Geek in Korea” for six years now.

I’d like to add a few more on the list:

My additions:

7. Log a World Famous Site on a GPS device

Yeah, everyone in Korea been to Seoul, but do you know how far away Seoul is from any point on the Earth? What about Cape Town? Tokyo? The Great Wall of China? I’ve got them all on my GPS. I do this on every vacation.

8. Finish an entire series of novels, movies, or games by an author or company

Sure, you’ve read the Lord of the Rings, but have you read the Lord of the Rings, but what about The Silmarillion? The other novels the person made? Short stories? Collected works? Letters?

I tried to do this as a child with Rohl Dahl. I even read short stories and his adult works to try to complete the list. I’m close to doing this with Kurt Vonnegut. At one point, I read all the Buffy the Vampire novels available. (This is one of my deepest, darkest shames.) This is a LOT easier when the company, or person in question, is dead.

9. Convert a friend into a fan of a geek television show, or OS.

I’d recommend Battlestar Galactica. It’s worked on two coworkers so far. I also made a few people fans of Buffy, and Mystery Science Theater 3000 in college. Don’t be pushy. OS Advocacy can work here too. I’ve gotten two people using Ubuntu Linux the same way.

10. Create a list of geeky things to do, then do them. The post them on your blog.

I totally just did this.

My wife was hanging out with her aunt, teaching how to make a special bead necklace. Since it’s somewhat repetitive, eye straining sort of work, she was there most of the afternoon. I was hanging out with the dog and doing my Internet-fu when I got a call. Would I be up for seeing a movie with the cousins? Of course I would.

We arranged to meet at the nearby theater, my wife bringing the teen cousins in tow with her. We agreed to see Ratatouille which wasn’t a hard thing to agree to see, as it’s about the only thing good in theaters that none of the people in the group had seen. Process of elimination. (Pixar movies used to be “event” sorts of things to me, but I can’t seem to care about Cars, at all. Need I remind you I hate driving and all things automotive?)

We arrived early, which was good. The movie was only in theaters a week in our city at the most, and it’s already disappeared off all the promotional material in the theater. I thought we’d wait for getting the tickets, but the cousins strolled in declaring they had already purchased the tickets…by phone.

Odd. I didn’t know phones could do that. They pulled out their mother’s phone and explained how they had logged into the movie theater’s website, and through a series of number transfers with the online service, billed the movie to their mother’s phone. It would appear as an item on her phone bill at the end of the month. Pretty cool.

We grabbed our popcorn, peanut butter oil squid, nachos, and drinks, the essentials for a good movie experience. We went down to the area to wait for the movie to begin, but it wasn’t been announced on the big board. When it was time to go in, we approached the ticket agent. She said that there was no movie scheduled at that time in the theater. On closer inspection, it seemed that the phone tickets were for a theater in Seoul, not Daejeon. Oops. Seems that one of the cousins had made a mistake with the booking!

They suggested we go to a computer as quickly as possible to cancel the tickets so we can get a refund. On the second floor of the theater, you can use coin Internet kiosks. We plunked a few bits of change into the machine and the kids surfed their way to the cancellation screen. According to the website, they couldn’t cancel the tickets if it’s 20 minutes before the movie is scheduled to begin.

We talked to the ticket agent, and they called the other theater for us. After a little bit of running around, we got someone to confirm they would cancel the movie, and got tickets for the next showing of the movie in the correct theater the old fashioned way, buying the tickets at the counter.

We had waited an hour to see the movie with all the ticket drama, so we had depleted the popcorn and squid supply drastically. I went and got refills on our drinks, and a second pack of squid for the feature film. The film was great, except for some idiotic kids that arrived five minutes into the film and REALLY wanted to talk about which seat was whose before they finally sat down.

I really liked the movie. It was a lot of fun. It wasn’t exactly quotable or exceptionally humorous, but it was a good family movie with a lot of charm and a good message for children. It’s exciting to see animated Paris, I can’t wait to finally end up going there. I won’t be happy to see any rats cooking my food though.

We waited through ALL the credits, but there was no set of “deleted scenes” or “outtakes” like in other Pixar films. I was disappointed. There was only one other group of people that waited through the lengthy credits to see if there would be something else to watch. The people in my party annoyed by waiting for the credits waiting to end, until I pointed out we waited much longer for the movie to start in the first place.

We took the cousins out for dinner, then sent them back home. It was a fun time out with the family.

It seems I carry on memes.

The word 다리 dari, means either “leg” or “bridge” depending on the Chinese characters and context. It can also mean something else, as I found out today in class.

I was teaching a new, extremely hyperactive student in class. Previously, my coworker usually handled his classes. Since the school has installed a new hot cocoa machine, the average sugar consumed in the school has skyrocketed. This boy had finished two cups of coffee before school, and two cups of cocoa while he was here. Trying to get this boy to sit down and be quiet is in the realm of cold fusion. I’ll believe it’s possible when I see it.

The boy, while bouncing in his chair, conducted a little bit of a miniature interview. I hadn’t taught him before, so he was asking those personal questions that I usually don’t mention to first time students.

It’s common knowledge in the school that I’m married to a Korean woman. Most children can remember this after about the tenth time it comes up in class somehow. This boy asked me if I was married. I held up my ring as evidence I was.  I thought the issue was settled.

He then followed up the question by asking, “What about Yong-Dari? What about your girlfriend?”

Perplexed, I responded, “I’ve got a wife, why would I have a girlfriend too? Why would you ask me that question? What do legs have to do with girlfriends and wives?”

He went on saying that when you are in a relationship, the number of people you are dating on the side are the “legs” so to speak. One other boy chimed in, “Ha ha, octopus legs!”

I had never heard this expression in Korean before, but knew a few Korean men with “Yong Dari” girlfriends. It’s pretty sad when even young children know that sort of treatment of women.

Our security guard alerted the building on Monday that the hot water system was being repaired. There will be no hot water for an entire week. This comes in the peak of summer, just when you would think the need for hot water wouldn’t be that great anyway. However, after taking a few cold showers in this apartment, I think my pipe is fed directly from the Arctic Ocean. It’s unbelievably cold water.

I’ve been hyper stressed out from work in the past few days. Classes haven’t been well organized, my schedule is a mess, and I’ve been dealing with children hopped up on sugar waiting out their summer vacation in a hot room studying English. It’s basically been a nightmare all week.

The one thing that soothes my nerves in the morning is my relaxing hot shower before work. I walk the dog, come back, strip down, and take a good hot shower to get the tension out of my muscles.

Now my shower is somewhere close to “waterboarding” as an activity I don’t want to do day to day involving water. It’s absolutely freezing water. I do my best to wash my hair and limbs, but I can’t get up enough courage to wash properly. I do the bare essentials to avoid stinking, but I haven’t had a proper shower all week.

My wife was laughing at me this morning when I walked out without completely getting in the shower for my normal length of time. “You are such a baby. Oh, the water is too cold. Bah! I can take a shower in cold water! Go cook lunch, I’m taking my shower next. ”

As I cooked the meal, she got into the shower. She was intent on showing me up, so she actually was doing her whole bathing routine. Not long after the water started up, I heard a shriek. “Water is really cold!”

I heard some fumbling with soap and the shower head. The water doesn’t warm up when you twist the knob any more, it just stops flowing.

“WOW! COLD WA~~~TER! Cold Cold COLD! BRRRRRRRR. WOW! SO COLD!”

This goes on for the entire length of her shower in both languages. There was much thrashing around and noise as she struggled through the entire process.

I was enjoying it greatly. She stepped out of the bathroom knowing she was beat.  She might have washed a higher percent of her body, but she didn’t do it with very much machismo.

She gave me a look that said, “Don’t. Say. Anything.”

I grinned.

Part of the new intensive class schedule is a Korean run class called “CNN based listening”. There is a program where video clips flash the occasional subtitles in a block after someone speaks. The idea is that people listen, then try to check their skill. There might be typing involved. It’s a Korean teacher class, so I’m not informed on how it works exactly.  Anyway, there is now a classroom with computers in it!

There were a series of boxes on the floor for the past few days, and now the school has an actual computer lab. The machines are set up PC-room style next to the wall. This makes it easy for teachers to watch what the students are doing. Using the computer is an extreme temptation for every student, but they aren’t allowed in the room when class is out of session.

In my morning class, I had a problem once again with my book material. The lessons and books didn’t match up, so I had a problem trying to fill time. The students were going to write an essay explaining about a Wonder of the World. I decided to let the students into the computer room if they followed the strict rule of not doing anything but searching wikipedia for their information. I made this restriction because there is no parental guard software, firewall, or anything other than basic virus software on the machines. I didn’t want the students off playing games, reading blogs, or doing anything dumb in class that would get me in trouble.

Five of my students were awesome. They went to the wiki and started looking up information for their essay. They looked for the Korean version of the page, but the Korean Wikipedia has next to no content. I think Wikipedia is too functional for Korean web users. If it isn’t a portal site with 100 crappy popups and advertisements written in broken html with no browser support other than IE, it’s not going to be popular in Korea.

Anyway, one of my students got hit with a pop-up that magically started downloading a popular game he likes to play. Wonder how THAT happened…I caught him in the act and made him delete it. Then, the middle school girls in the class started searching about fashion models and celebrities. The students could literally only concentrate on one task for five minutes before they started treating it like it was their own spyware infested home PC.

The three middle school girls were completely blowing off my assignment. I told them that computer use was only for research, and NOT to catch up on their favorite drama. A new girl stopped, looked at me, then went back to surfing. I was RIGHT NEXT TO HER when she did this. She completely ignored me.

I told her to stop, and kicked her out of the lab. I said she needed to leave since she wasn’t doing her work. I was probably animated about it, as I had the rest of the class to watch from downloading games and keeping them virus free. (They HAD to install Windows on the damn things, didn’t they?)

The girls went back to the classroom. I had to supervise the students that remained on the computers. I left the girls to chat about their television shows in peace.  As long as they weren’t wasting my time in the computer lab, I don’t care what they were doing.

My director later told me that the girl I had scolded for ignoring my rules was a new student. I had almost driven her to tears. She hadn’t understood why I had gotten angry when she started talking about the exact same stuff even after I told her to stop. My director said that she was surprised that the girl hadn’t understood. My director had taken her to be a clever girl, but it seems her composure doesn’t match her ability.

So, today the countdown was finally over. Intensive classes have arrived. Now it’s one long sprint to the end of my contract and my trip to Europe. With the realization that my last month on the job has arrived, I’m more stressed out. I wanted today to go smoothly, as there was a new schedule today. It went as well as a summary execution. In the rain.

I arrived at work plenty early. I hadn’t been up and working in the morning in ages, but I was bright, chipper, and ready to go. It’s a good thing too, because everyone else was moving like they were underwater.

My first class is full of high school students. According to the schedule I’m supposed to teach them basic Grammar. In Korean. Yeah, right. I’m going to be able to explain the “be” verb to a bunch of students that read English novels for fun. What the hell? I look into what book I am given. I talk to the director. She doesn’t know anything, despite making the schedule. “Maybe the book will get harder later?”

Then, I ask the problematic Korean coworker. She gives me a “talk to the hand Director.” I pointed out that I’ve already talked to the director, and needed additional help. She tells me she isn’t going to help, at all. What a WONDERFUL coworker. Jeez.

Since no one was going to get off their ass to solve my problem, I found out that there was a schedule mistake. The books set aside for the students are actually level “two” grammar in the series. Instead of basic grammar, I’ve got to teach advanced grammar to high school students. In Korean. Jubya Tee ef? It went as well as you’d expect.

The first class was a complete and total disaster. The reason the school HAS Korean teachers is to teach Korean grammar books. For whatever reason, the best use of some of my Korean coworkers time was to sit on their ass and not help me. Nice. Now I’ve got to go to a bookstore and pick out a novel for the students to read that can be finished in 7 classes. Gah.

The next class wasn’t much better. The book the students had, and the book I was supposed to plan the syllabus from were completely different. I walked into the class knowing I had to teach a completely different book, but whoever had organized the class hadn’t done any checking at ALL to see that the books matched. What a waste of time. I’ve got to let my tolerable Korean coworker in on it before she makes the same mistake I did.

The fun didn’t stop there. My first afternoon class had students assigned to wrong levels. I had to round them up and rush through ten pages of material in an  hour. Later in the day, THREE classes had been combined into one monster class. We had to bring in more desks from classes just to squeeze the students inside. Total fire code violation.

I wasn’t only responsible for teaching the material, but also arranging for students to take their vocabulary tests, and also having the class grade their own tests. It’s nothing short of a miracle we got through them material without me losing my voice while herding the children around the school.

It’s clear the lack of a head teacher has gravely impacted the organization of the school. I keep reminding myself there is only a month left of this. I hold myself high keeping that thought in my mind. Big things are afoot. I will survive. That sort of thing.

I’ve just finished reading the last Harry Potter book in it’s entirety. 750+ pages finished in a day and a half. All this effort just so no one on the Internet can hold sway over me by claiming they know spoilers.

I’ve read all of the previous books, but only the last three have come out since I’ve been in Korea. It’s so expensive to read hard cover books normally, so I usually wait. But this series is something I actual am willing to read when it comes out so it isn’t ruined.

The last time a Harry Potter book had come out, I had the ending spoiled for me by Internet pranksters. There is some sort of backlash about these books in particular that is so childish and dumb. People love to ruin the plot of something hotly anticipated. Why do these books produce so much mean spirited dickery in people?

I found a place that sold the book near my school with a nice 40% discount. Once I saw the discount, I knew I was going to be going there on release day, Saturday, just so I could be sure of getting a copy before they sold out.

I went up to the counter with the book in my hand. No, I hadn’t gone out of my way to dress up like a wizard or anything when I went to pick it up either. A teenage girl with her father turned around. She was carrying the same book. “Are you excited?”

She spoke perfect English. I was surprised she had addressed me, “Uh, I guess. I’m here on the first day. I didn’t want them to be sold out. It’s a nice discount. Yeah, and you?”

“Yeah, I can’t wait to read it. Enjoy your book!”

“You too.”

I put the book in my bag, then went to see a movie.

I saw another boy trying to read the massive tome on the way back home on the subway. I almost pulled the book out of my bag and tried to strike up a conversation with him, but I didn’t because that would be creepy and weird.

Only Yoshi  was waiting for me at home. My wife was busy doing stuff around town, so I got to reading. I basically did nothing else, save for cooking my meal, cleaning up after Yoshi, and posting on the website yesterday. I woke up early and resumed reading. My wife was impressed at how quickly I was reading and left me to my corner reading.

I’m happy I finished the book. My students won’t know the outcome of the story for weeks, as the translated serialized version of the book hasn’t been released in Korean, and only the most hardcore upper level students will get their parents to buy it for them.

I’m certainly not going to spill the details of the story, as I went to such great lengths to prevent myself from having to put up with such annoyances. I don’t even think they’ll believe me if I told them I read the whole thing in a weekend anyway.

I liked the book, thought it was fun, and would recommend it as a conclusion to the series. If you don’t like it, fine. Just don’t spoil it for the rest of us.