I’ve been sleeping poorly for the past three nights. I don’t know why, and it sucks. My normal sleep problems are tied to specific problems in my life, but this isn’t the same sort of thing. I go to work and drink some coffee, teach a class while I try not to mumble through my lesson, then come back home. Everything is basically the same, except I get about five hours less sleep than usual.
I don’t know what’s keeping me up, but I don’t think I can maintain my health and social skills if it continues for a prolonged period of time. I feel like I’m sleepwalking through things at the moment, and I don’t like it. I’m not sleepy or yawning. I just feel generally “out of it”, and not on top of things like I usually am.
Usually when I can’t sleep it’s due to stress or worry. Job worries and general money worries haven’t been bothering me for a long time, but with a downturn in the Korean economy, and a large debt, this might seem like a reasonable guess. It’s certainly what my wife thought had kept me up after the first night, but I hadn’t been sitting around gloomy eyed because of the economy. We’ve got options. I’ve been working pretty much all the time the past few days. The increased workload means I have to get up much earlier. The only thought about my work at the moment is “When do these annoying morning classes end?” I don’t really have the energy to get worried about work.
The only other time I usually go sleepless is when I’ve caught some creative bug that demands an immediate itch. Usually I’ll stumble onto something new, get really caught up with it, and work late into the evening before realizing the time. When I’m finished with it, I go to bed and keep thinking about it. That’s why I lose sleep, revising and improving it in my head. I’ve done this because of being a Dungeon Master in the past, but not this time. I’m much more in control of my habits now that I’m aware of my tendency to get carried away from things and try to limit to planning between classes or on my breaks. Nothing much happens at work. I might spend a few minutes trying to think of a story complication or a way to make a mechanic work, but I’m not nearly as worried about it as I was in the past. I’m not looking for social acceptance this time around, so my stress has greatly diminished.
I’m also usually two or three days ahead on my blog. The past week, due to a lack of Internet access at work, as well as a general writer’s block, I’ve been posting day by day. I hate that. I’ve actually been posting later and later each day, struggling with writing about something in my day, even when I get things done. I’m usually bursting with ideas about what I want to write about, but now I can barely put together a few sentences.
I haven’t increased my caffiene intake. I still have a single coffee a day. My diet isn’t significantly different either. I go for exercise more frequently, trying to get away from the computer. I can’t keep my attention focused on things when I’m on the computer like I used to. I’m more scattered with my thoughts. When I’m not working I walk around the block for exercise, either with the dog, or alone. I really like walking as a way to spend my time, and have started going out for walks even when I have no particular reason to just because I enjoy it. Walking around the neighborhood while everyone was celebrating Lunar New Year was nice.
I listen to some podcasts when I’m on my own, but some of the things I was really interested in just a few months ago seem stale. There are a few things I’m always excited for, but the number of things I’m following on the whole is falling. I’m still following political stuff, but things like word etymology that I had been getting into last year don’t keep my attention and will be dropped. I still get excited about some television programs, but that’s only because I have so much time between classes I spend my day needing something to do. If I didn’t have my PMP for whatever reason at work, I’d probably go crazy from boredom at work since I wait around nearly as much as I teach these days and I have nothing else to do.
My relationship with my friends and family is fine. I don’t have any major problems with anyone I deal with besides the occasional annoying student from time to time. Even then I just treat things like I’m on cruise control, because there is always a chance the students I deal with won’t be in my class in a month’s time. Professional detachment seems to come with the territory. I still look forward to the weekend when I don’t have to work, but it’s not like I have plans that would make me nervous about anything. Even having a baby on the way doesn’t have me rattled.
It might be connected with the weather. I might be trapped inside all day, working mornings into the late evenings. It doesn’t seem to have messed up my internal clock. I manage three or four hours of sleep after sitting awake for hours listless. I wake up at the exact same time each day, right before the alarm rings. This is completely normal. I get up at the same time every day. It’s just strange for me to go to work not feeling rested. When I take a shower my eyes are puffy and inflamed. When I take naps, I wake up feeling no more rested.
I know things like exercise, diet, and stress are factors for sleeplessness. I’ve been trying to get away from the computer and get more sunlight in case I’m affected by the season too. Failing that, I don’t know how long this sleeplessness will last. I know I’m not my best when I’m not well rested, and I like being my best whenever possible.
