::A Geek in Korea::

My wife and I walk in a park near our house when I get home in the evening from work. We usually walk four or five times around a track of cushioned paths that circle the park. Along the paths are different benches, exercise machines, and tennis courts. This park is also where a lot of other people exercise or meet to talk to people. One couple we saw were talking under one of the structures on a bench.

The first time my wife and I walked around the park, I noticed this couple because they were atypically close for people in Korea. There is a general no-no rule on personal displays of affection in Korea. Seeing people doing anything more than holding hands is very uncommon. Even in a park at night, you aren’t going to see people kissing. This couple was on the same bench, and the woman had her legs up on the man’s lap. She was stroking his hair and talking into his ear. My wife and I weren’t listening in as we walked by though. I was wearing my earphone in one ear, and listening to music, and my wife was talking to me about something in my other ear.

The second time we walked by, around five minutes later, the woman and man were still on the same bench, but there had clearly had been a change in the tone of the conversation. The woman was guarded, with her arms wrapped around her own waist. She was turned away from the man so that they were no longer touching.  I remember from my communications classes in college that a sign of resistance in listeners is a defensive pose that has the arms up in front of the person’s chest to “protect” them from things being said they didn’t like. I could recognize this sort of posture from my experiences as a teacher too. It’s a basic thing we all do, regardless of culture. Whatever the man had said, she didn’t like it. My wife and I didn’t stare, we just kept walking by.

The third time around, there was even more distance between the woman and the man. The woman had lowered her arms to her sides, but she was holding onto the bench in a desperate sort of clenching motion. Her body language suggested that her world was swirling out of control and that the only thing she could hold onto was the bench keeping her connected to reality. She was staring off into space, not crying, but not looking at the man. The man had moved to another bench across from hers and had turned around to face her. He was sitting wide stanced and hunched over, delivering some sort of statement to her. Whatever fondness he had shown for her the first time we had passed , stroking her hair and holding her in his arms was gone. He was chopping the air with his fingers, enunciating his points as he went along. The woman looked as if he was chopping her up into pieces each time his hand went up and down. We just walked by casually.

The fourth time around, the man and woman had nothing left to say to each other. The woman was still on her bench, but she had drawn her legs up between her arms in a fetal position. The man had turned around on his bench and was making a phone call to someone conspiratorially. The woman was rocking slightly, and was saying something under her breath. We didn’t stop to listen, but as we walked by, I explained to my wife what I had seen each time. My wife said she hadn’t been paying as much attention to the couple, but as we had walked by she had heard the woman cursing at the man.

I have no way of knowing what the conversation was that had angered the woman so much, or what the man had done. Infidelity? Some business plan that had fallen through? A romance that had ended?  It’s not my business to pry. It was just interesting to watch it play out in thirty second mini-plays each time we walked by their bench.

Today was the last day of the term. Next week begins the new semester at school. Today was Parent-Teacher conference day. Parents that had signed up for the last series of classes wanted to know what we’d be doing in the next semester to continue their child’s education. This is what the Korean home room teachers have been preparing for weeks to discuss. The director has been telling them that their walls needed to be overflowing with materials, and that they had to present an overwhelming case for their classes to continue on to the next level.

The foreigners had to make token appearances in each of the classes they teach. Each level at a particular hour had a meet and greet at the beginning where the director explained the details of the school and how the program worked. The teachers didn’t have to attend this meeting, as it was held in a large conference room. After the director talked their ears off, they split off into the classes and met with the teachers. I had to stop in for ten minutes or so and answer any questions and explain what I did week to week.

Usually meeting with parents makes me extra nervous. However, watching the Korean teachers freak the hell out over having to translate what I said put me in a calm state of mind. The Korean teachers had to explain my statements, and speak to me only in English, which put them on the spot. I answered parents questions after a translation. It was more a showcase on the Korean teachers skill to handle the pressure than a problem with me needing to perform. They all asked me to speak slowly, and to pause after a short series of sentences so that I didn’t make them forget what I was talking about when I started speaking. This is something I also do with my wife, so she can sort out what I said in her head before she has to respond in English.

All I had to do is answer questions graciously and not end up embarrassing any of the parents. Seeing as I’ve been doing the “placate the parents” routine for years now, I know the game they wanted me to play. Every student was a favorite. Every student tries hard. Every troublemaker has a good sense of humor. Put on a smiling face and Lie Lie Lie when you have to make someone happy. These people pay your salary.

Between class meetings with parents, my coworker and I played a series of Magic: The Gathering games. I had a new deck that I wanted to test out. We split our set of games, with swings in getting mana in the proper rates being the deciding factor. My deck worked better than the last few I tried, so I’m glad to win a few for once.

We had considered renting a crib for a few months. Since Korean apartments don’t leave a lot of room for extra furniture, anything that eats up some floor space in a room has to be considered carefully. There are baby furniture shops that let you rent cribs, walkers, or bassinets for a certain number of months. They bring in something, install it, then take it away when you stop paying, or when your baby outgrows it. That was going to be out solution to the issue, but a few weeks ago we were given a used crib. This is a third-hand used crib. The original owners had passed it on to our downstairs neighbor, who passed it on to us.

We’re pragmatic, frugal, and willing to use such an item without any qualms. We stored it away for a while, and got around to checking the structural integrity of the furniture only yesterday. There was a blanket mat that had been screwed on through the fabric. I went to work removing that because it was old and possibly moldy. When we get that cleaned properly that will be the new “deluxe” blanket for our dog Yoshi to sleep on in winter. It’s luxury for the dog, but for the baby’s crib? Not so much. We have our own blankets and things to soften the crib for the baby.

The crib was showing some use. It had packing tape all over it, which didn’t make any sense, since it was never shipped anywhere. We got to work removing the tape, which didn’t hide any structural flaws or serve any purpose. Someone just liked wrapping things in tape I guess. The entire crib was a little dusty and had well worn look, so we spent an hour or so cleaning it up.

I’m not a painter, or an artist, but I’d like to make a little project out of this. I got some confidence after we did a tolerable job painting our doors to save several hundred thousand won when we moved into this apartment. We’re not sure if it’ll be worth the effort, despite the worn look, to start sandpapering it or painting it. It’s entirely practical to use now.  It’ll work for what it is, but it certainly looks “third hand” at the moment.

The size of the small headboard, and some of the other detail work would make it very difficult to decorate. We could paint it a standard flat white, but we’ll have to make a trip to the store for brushes and everything to paint in all the nooks and crannies. If I had some sort of breakthrough after we painted it white, I could go back and paint some sort of design or something on top of it. Once again, The Simpsons informs me of the limits of certain parenting skills.

Anyway, if any designs do spring to mind, or if I do get around to sanding and painting the thing, I’ll be sure to post a picture up later.

Today was an odd break from the routine. We’ve finished testing in most classes, so all that remains is contacting parents about results. All books are finished in elementary school classes, and there is nothing to prepare for the rest of the week. The Korean teachers all brought movies to watch with their students. I was asked to sit and watch movies with the students. Unfortunately, all the Korean teachers got cold feet about just having me sit in class and do nothing, so they asked me to prepare “something” for the class. I think our director told them not to let the foreigners get away with doing nothing all day. They had to slink back over to my desk and say, “Well, you can’t watch a movie, but can you play a game all day?”

Yeah. Shouldn’t be too hard.

Good thing I had brought Apples to Apples specifically for that sort of scenario.

My first two classes were post-test, so they got a full class of Apples to Apples Kids with me. They love the game, so it’s no problem whatsoever. I even brought in some of my new cards I hadn’t opened before to play so they could see new words. They had a few good rounds. The second class went well too. If I hadn’t have brought a game with me I would have had no luck keeping them under control.

My last two classes were different. I made a word scramble and search for them, and played Youtube clips from Best of Youtube blog. They had tests after my class, so I couldn’t get them all worked up with games and whatnot. This was their favorite video, and it’s one of my favorite Youtube clips ever. The music, tone, and amazing tricks totally make it worth watching.

Anyway, for a day’s wages, it wasn’t too difficult. I’m glad I get to have a few easy days once in a while. I’ve got too many grey hairs already.

Students at appropiate levels are completing their comprehensive level testing today. In my classes I serve as a “Warm up” to get them into a testing mood. I don’t have to proctor any tests, simply come up with a non-stressful way to get them thinking.

In my first class, they didn’t have any testing because they are eight years old and rigorous testing would be insane, even for this school’s standards. Having the screen and projector in class really saved me today, as I went to Sesame Street’s Youtube page and put on some childhood favorite counting scenes. The pinball counting down from twelve? The Count, counting things? That stuff is cross cultural, as these students absolutely LOVED watching it. I got them counting along, and we spent ten minutes just watching stuff and laughing. Seasame Street on Youtube is brilliant. (Be careful for Censored Count though.)

We’ve been reviewing numbers from one to twenty, doing basic addition and subtraction, that sort of thing. I used a worksheet made from here, and then I made them write the answers in English. Then they had to finish English “math sentences” I generated on the fly using a d20 and a d10 they rolled at the teacher’s desk. The students are basically numerical geniuses at anything under the total of twenty at this point for their ages.

My next set of students got rebus puzzles and brain teasers. The same thing happened today where slower, quieter kids got some of the harder answers. It’s always a good sign when you finish a paper in class and students immediately ask, “Can we do some more!?” Why yes, you can! That’s what you want to hear as a teacher. I had a brain teaser set up and finished my materials just as the Korean teacher came in to start giving the test.

My last class is getting some last second, desperately needed review lessons. The Korean home room teacher things the students are weak in one particular area in their grammar and has asked me to review it right before she gives them the test. This will be the only class really “studying” with me today.

This is the school’s much hyped “Testing Time” for three month classes. I’m currently proctoring a class with first and second grade students. There is a fifty question test divided between listening, reading, grammar, vocabulary, and comprehension questions. Testing will take an hour, and I’ve had my schedule changed to accommodate the different testing times during the day. Some classes will be taught in blocks, with the testing periods usually occurring at the beginning of the time spent in class. As with everything having to do with children and Korea, there are always exceptions.

The hardest part of this test at this level is simply exhaustion and attention fatigue caused by it, and not the actual material. Students in second grade can’t concentrate on anything for more than a few minutes. Putting a huge, long test in front of them and telling them to be quiet and do their best is hard. Good students run through the test and get bored when they aren’t allowed to blow off stress after they hand in their paper. Some students run into problems early during the listening part and get discouraged. Other students buzz through and think that a quick finish is more important than correct answers.

It’s already a high stress situation for students. It’s even worse when the Korean teachers have a stake in their employment on the line. When these kids turn in their work, the Korean teacher has to grade it and report the results to the parents. Parents expect results, and I don’t envy calling up a parent that’s going to hear that they’ve wasted the past few months for minimal improvement in performance.

At least at this level there is a sign of legitimate improvement. Several of my middle school classes have devolved into a class where caveman style grunting is too intellectual.

I am not an accountant, and I struggled to pass all my accounting classes in college. However, sometime in the past week, our household, and specifically my wife, has become the center of a foreigner tax accounting information onslaught. Any errors in terminology or legality of Korean tax payments is entirely my own fault, due to the fact that no one, including the tax accountants, have any idea whatsoever how to explain this to anyone at all.

It all started last weekend. One of my friends found out that the contract with his Korean employer had been radically in favor of his employer’s tax status instead of his own. While I’m fuzzy on the details, the way it’s been told to me he was hired as an independent outside contractor to work at a school. His status somehow allowed his school to skirt the rules and instead of getting a large tax return like most foreigners do (if they file), he got hit with an large amount of back taxes.  The fiance had called up the past employer, as he had left that school on bad terms, and tried to get reimbursed half the amount due since it was because the school had been tricky. His fiance, called my wife to vent, as she was being jerked around by the tax office who couldn’t explain what the different kinds of employments mean for taxes. She was trying to change the status so that in the future they wouldn’t be hit by this problem. My wife listened to what was going on, but thought that the issue was moot for us since I had been employed with a different status.

We didn’t even know that foreigners could get tax returns in Korea. My wife always watched the mailbox in May for her tax return, but we had never even thought of filing for me. The last time I had dealt with my tax affairs in Korea it was to pay off any back taxes I owed for being screwed over by TWO previous employers that had been dodging taxes without my knowledge. I had been working for them thinking I was completely legit the entire time. Once we knew I was paid up, I never thought to see if I was actually owed anything for all that work I did for other schools.

It turns out that another girlfriend of a foreigner called my wife to talk about taxes a few days later. It turns out that he had gotten contacted by an old school and told, “Hey, here is some tax return money you are owed.” That’s the kind of phone call I never get. This guy was employed under the same terms of employment I was, so if he was getting cash back, perhaps I would too? We asked about the details, and it turns out the school had kept track of all of this for him, so he just needed to show up to collect his money.

My wife went to sort out what we needed at the tax office to see if I would get a return or not. I needed to bring paperwork to my employer to get past tax statements sorted out so that the tax office could refund my money. My director doesn’t do any tax work. This is all handled by a third party accountant. Apparently it’s not the accountant’s job to tell anyone hired by them, “HEY, FREE MONEY  HERE!” You don’t get anything if you don’t file and ask for it, but I don’t know who’s pocket that fattens.

My director thought that something fishy was going on with all this legal documentation, and she started getting angry on the phone when my wife was talking to her. My wife was just trying to see if whatever had happened at that other school who notified their employee, and wondered if it  was going to happen at my school. Did we know what money we were owed, and how could we find out? My wife also thought the accountant was doing something strange by not telling us. This they agreed on, and they left to sort out what was going on. I thought things were going to be complicated, but I guess my wife and my director created a unified front to attack the jargon of the accountant. Something got done but no one really understood anything that was going on at any point in time.

I have no idea what sort of paperwork was filed, where the money is coming from, why I’m due cash back, or who is actually paying me, but all I know is that I got a considerable amount of cash back from last year as a tax refund. YAY! We’re worried that digging farther into the past for more returns might cause problems because my employment status was changed to the tax-return friendly kind from the independent kind, and who knows what my employment before that change might mean for me tax-wise. We’re happy with what we’ve got.

Today was my weekly “long walk” with my dog. This is when I load up on podcasts, eat lunch, and walk till my feet give out and I exhaust all my podcasts. On the docket today was a political podcast bonanza:

On weekdays, my go-to News Analysis is usually in the form of The Rachel Maddow show . I adore this show’s snarky sense of self. It’s got sharp criticism for the dumb stuff that goes on in the world, but is not as unfair and fear based as other pundits. I’m in total awe at how geeky Rachel Maddow is, and yet she still gets to host a national news program on cable television. It’s a good show, but still amusing at the same time. It breaks down the news into issues that I find important to focus on, but also keeps a lighter side so that listening day in and day out doesn’t overwhelm me. I’ll likely delay a walk with Yoshi if I know that this podcast will be availble to listen to if I wait a few minutes.

The most “Inside Baseball” podcast I follow happens to be “It’s All Politics” from NPR. It’s one of my newest finds, and it’s a very niche, very hardcore sort of politcal program. If I had grown up in some sort of alternate universe where politics was discussed around me from my youth instead of baseball box scores (shudder), this is how I would have ended up sounding when discussing things I’m interested in. Basically, this is a Poli-Sci nerd dream in audio form. The hosts of this podcast talk with a political shorthand and don’t slow down to explain issues all that often because they have only 15 minutes or so to discuss an entire week’s worth of news.

This can’t be the first podcast of the week you listen to, because if you don’t keep up from week to week you won’t understand a damn thing these people are talking about.I like this podcast because I’ve become a political junkie over the past year or so and go out of my way to keep up with issues now. This is a quick, no-BS podcast that is a giant hodgepodge of predictions, results, and pondering of how current events will affect the results of the wild world of politics. It doesn’t play favorites, and is usually very calculating in it’s predictions, so it’s a short and to the point sort of show.

I still listen to Slate’s “Political Gabfest” every week. The hosts here are all journalists that write for Slate Magazine. I’ve been listening to this podcast for years now, and it’s always refreshing to get their take on the news. I don’t always agree, but seeing it from multiple sides in the same podcast, and also discussing how the news is reported is usually very interesting. They also introduce the topics into their show and give a background to some of the stories you might have missed that they deem important. I like it, and it’s something I go out of my way not to miss each weekend on my walk.

My final “event” podcast for the walk is The Bugle. The entire state of the world gets me down sometimes, and listening to straight “serious business” podcasts sometimes winds me up pretty tight. The Bugle is when I get a grip on the fact that bullshit is funny, and lots of bullshit is hysterical. I’ll occasionally laugh out loud while I walk around town listening to this podcast. I find walking in a park helps minimize the amounts of stares I get. If I’m in a crowded place while listening, it’s probably going to cause a scene. It’s worth it for the consistently hilarious stuff on this podcast. My weekly politics walk isn’t complete with an episode of The Bugle to decompress with. It’s part of my routine now, and this is the only podcast I archive and listen to back issues of when I’m bored.

Just like The Bugle winds down my week, Wait Wait…Don’t Tell Me! starts it back up. I listen to this on Monday or Tuesday, getting ready to go to work. This gets me into a slightly competitive, but mostly silly mood that I find soothing for getting ready for whatever it is that the students are up to in any given week. They take a self-depricating look at the news, and know that they are a silly part of the whole spectacle that is the “New Cycle”. Wait Wait is one of thos rituals that I maintain because I really enjoy listening to the humor, no matter that it’s not as edgy.

This is the majority of my podcast listening these days. I’ve trimmed several podcasts from my queues, and if I had more time I’d probably be running out of things to listen to these days, instead of having too much stuff on my plate. I think my interests have narrowed a little, but also I don’t have as much time spent commuting or walking these days to follow it all.

Earlier in the week I stumbled upon this website to generate a worksheet to be completed by my students. I went back digging for new materials at The Teacher’s Corner today when I had burned through my prepared materials and wanted to make sure I had something to do when I walked in the room. I stumbled upon their “Brainteaser” section, and specifically the “Rebus” worksheet creator. Rebus are those word puzzles that use pictures, or descriptive ways of writing words to give a second meaning to something.

Students in my classes had never seen any style of puzzle like this before. I printed out the entire page so they’d each have their own copy to work on. I then wanted to see how quick my students were at getting the different play on words. I started out simple, and added ones that used prepositions the students knew. The first puzzle on the page was “PAWALKRK”. The solution is “Walk in the park”. Once the students got the idea how to solve this style puzzle, I shared a few more, then wait to see who could get them first. My absolute favorite one was, “NaNafish”. (Wait a minute, It’ll come to you.)

From what I saw, it’s not always the smartest student that was getting the answer. Some of the brightest students weren’t getting these sorts of clues nearly as quickly. I don’t know why some of the slower students were figuring out these problems faster today. Maybe there was something in the water, or maybe this sort of activity was wired perfectly for however those normally quiet students learn. Whatever the case, it was a twist to see some of the quiet students getting the answers first. I have this brainteaser stuff bookmarked, and I plan on using it again next semester because the students loved trying to figure it all out.

Somewhere in MY lifetime I learned the helpful advice “Don’t push or grab glass building materials anywhere but the handle” and “Push an elevator button to open the doors”. Sometimes you get reminders of these lessons and their importance.

The school’s boy’s bathroom had a glass door that swings a little to wide into the hallway. If you are a small person you can push the door from the inside of the bathroom out into the hallway and slip through the opening created by this flaw. No one designs a door to a bathroom to open into a hallway of a school because if someone was running down the hallway they’d run face first into a plate glass door. That’d be seriously dangerous. As badly designed and unsafe as the work environments can be, that’s too much even for Korea.

The door, and the bathroom, were designed the have the rubber seal on the bottom of the door set up to prevent the door from opening the wrong way, but over time, hundreds of tiny hands pushing the door out into the hall instead of in towards the bathroom interior has worn down the rubber seal and compounded the problem. The door only stops in the hallway when the rubber seal catches on part of the floor.There is no permanent jam on the door to stop it.

The problem is that the door’s handles are easier for taller people to use, so the children push directly on the glass instead of pulling the door towards themselves. There is a frosting on the bottom of the glass to prevent anyone spying on you while you use the facilities, and a big sign that says “PUSH” from the hallway, and “PULL” on the inside of the door written in Korean. Despite these signs, half the time the door is swung into the hallway and I have to properly shut the door when I use the urinal.

I was trying to leave the bathroom to enter the hallway. There were two boys outside the bathroom trying to get in. They couldn’t see me because of the frosted glass, but knew some shape was behind the door at least. The door had swung five centimeters or so into the hallway before it had caught and stopped moving. Rather than force the door open the incorrect way,  I grabbed the handle to close the door, then open it into the bathroom the proper way so I could exit. I was using the door as it was designed. Children being impulsive like they are, and Korean children never expecting to need to wait for anything, ever, did exactly what any person with a bit of common sense wouldn’t. The boy jammed his fingers between the closing door and the frame. I shut the door right on his fingers by accident.

I saw what happened in slow motion. The door sort of bounced off them for a second, I let go, and he ripped them out and shoved them directly into his mouth. Luckily they were all still there. He gave me a look of shock, and I gave him a look of, “What the hell did you expect to happen?” A secretary took him downstairs to calm him down. He didn’t bleed, or break anything, but he was lucky the door was only open a little. Had I had any momentum as I opened the door it’s likely his fingers would have been on the floor.

The other time this comes up at school is when students try to open low windows in the classroom. The windows swing out of the classroom and are at an odd angle. Students will push directly on the glass, or stand up, turn around, and push the window out with their heel. I can just imagine the first student putting his heel through the glass window, slicing up his leg, and blaming me for telling him to open up the window. I keep telling students to never open things made of glass without using the handles, but they just don’t listen.

Occasionally I’m guilty of this sort of stupidity too. My wife’s maternity hospital had elevators. These elevators have ridiculously short entrance and door closing times. By the time the elevator empties of people, the doors are shutting on the people waiting to get inside. You must physically hold the button to keep the door from shutting. There is no “door safety catch” that you can slap with your hand to make the doors open again as you get in at the last second.

Once I was late to one of her appointments. We had traveled on separate subway trains and I was trying to catch up before her sonogram was scheduled. I ran to catch a departing elevator and almost got stopped by a closing door. The thing nearly knocked me over as I squeezed inside. I didn’t trigger the safety opening mechanism by hitting the button, so I almost had a bite taken out of me.

Worse, however, was when the same thing happened to my wife. I told her she had to watch those elevators because they close fast and don’t open again when they hit something in their way. She was getting onto the elevator with her very pregnant stomach preceding her. The last person was barely off the elevator when she got an closing door to the belly. I got the doors back open by hitting the button, but she was shocked. “Why would the doors DO that?” she said as she rubbed her elbow and arm, which took the brunt of the attack. “I mean, it’s a maternity hospital. We can’t move that fast!” She was fine, but still, why design an elevator specifically to be cruel to the people that need to use it most?